Hannah's Story of Graham Living with Alopecia Areata

I met Graham at a Halloween party our freshman year of college. He was dressed up as Walter White from Breaking Bad, wearing boxer shorts, an oversized button-down shirt, high socks, and glasses, embodying the character from the early seasons. I remember asking “I wonder if he shaved his head for that costume, that is some serious commitment”. The fact I would later come to know was Graham had alopecia universalis, an autoimmune disease that targets hair follicles and results in the loss of the majority of hair on the person’s body. He in fact did not shave his head for the costume, instead he picked the costume to complement his hairstyle. I would see Graham around campus for the next couple years, but we wouldn’t start dating until our junior year of college.
I fell for him the same way everyone does. I saw his kindness, humor, and selflessness, and knew he was a good man who I wanted in my life. It seems he agreed about me, and we became a couple after he serenaded me with his off-key rendition of Dancing Queen in his well-loved 2005 Chevy Tahoe affectionately named “The Graham-borgini”. While I certainty knew Graham was bald, over time it became something I often forgot unless reminded by strangers.
One time, Graham and I were out with two close friends and their parents. While we were chatting, my friend’s mom pointed toward Graham and asked, “What does Graham have?”. I, thinking she meant the drink in his hand, replied “Oh, just a Miller Lite”. She responded, “Oh no, I meant his head!”. The question that seemed so simple to me, what was his drink of choice, had a completely different meaning. After all our time together, the fact Graham did not have hair faded into the background. One of the only aspects of Graham’s hairlessness I remember from our last 6 years together centers around his eyebrows. When we started dating, he had eyebrows. They weren’t full, bushy brows many men have, but they were there, little half-moons framing his eyes. However, one year, over the course of a week, they fell out. I asked him about it, wondering what had happened. He replied that this had happened before and they would grow back in no time. I nodded and moved on, not thinking much of it. However, 4 years later, and they never grew back. While this was not a big deal to Graham or me, the sudden loss struck me as an example of the things Graham could not control within his own body. While he handles everything with incredible grace and humor, it cannot be easy for a person to feel out of control.
5 years after we started dating, Graham and I went on our yearly vacation with my family to Hilton Head Island. That year, my cousin had planned the classic white and khaki beach front family photos. About halfway through the session, Graham got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. I said yes and we were engaged! Weeks later, as we looked over the engagement photos, I noticed my hair was blowing wildly in the beach wind, while Graham’s of course looked perfect. He has always had the best luck with photography. The reason I am writing this post is not because I am fixated on Graham being bald, but instead to illustrate how “normal” our story is. Boy and girl meet and fall in love, simple as that.
I have heard that many who have alopecia worry about the ability to find a lifelong partner, worrying that physical appearance will cloud personality. In my experience, this is not true at all. Graham’s unique appearance only brought out everything I love about him. His ability to play everything off the cuff and laugh along, while sympathizing with others who might experience this condition differentially, is one of the reasons I fell in love with him. Graham is Graham because he is bald, because things were hard when he was 15 and lost his fluffy, brown, curly hair. Sometimes he even asks me if I would still love him if he had hair. The answer of course is yes, but having alopecia made Graham a better, more empathetic and humorous person, and he wouldn’t be the man I fell in love with without it.